Sometimes . I feel very lost .
I have no idea who I am .
Why am I living .
Whut am I living for .

My whole life is just like a mess .
Sometimes it may seem that I don't care but I actually mind .
It may seems that I am not hurt but I am .

It just pains me to lose one friend after another and can't find one true one who I can talk to .
Why is it so hard .
For me to find one true friend .
And everytime I thought I found one .
Something screws and poof .
That friend would be gone .

I don't understand anyone .
I don't pretend I do .
I tried but I failed .
I tried again and I failed again .
No matter where , be it real life or virtual game .
It's the same .
No matter where I try to hide .
The same ending happened .

Why .

Just minuted ago .
I found out something .
With my own eyes .
Not through the mouth of another .
Not through the eyes or ears of another .
I saw it with my own eyes .

And I want to say something .
From the deepest of my heart .
Dame .
You will always be a part of me .
Even when we don't talk to each other I know I still mind .
Mind the fact that I am sitting so close to you yet can't talk to you .
Mind the fact that we were once friends .
Close friends but colder than strangers .

Hurt again and again yet you were always someone I could depend on .
No one understands .
No one cares .
No one .

Ever since that day .
I missed you . Alot .
But somehow , it never got to you .
Maybe this was why I can never ever get a true friend .
Maybe this was why I always loses those closest to me .
Maybe this was why my life was so screwed up .

I am hurt .
i am badly hurt .

I can't recover .
I never will .
I hate the scars but I can't remove it .
I tried to cover up but it always show .
No matter how I tried .
No matter whut I did .
No matter how hard I tried .
No matter whut I do .

Things still screw .
I'm tired of being me because there is no one I can talk to .
I seriously think . I suck .
Suck as a human , suck as a virtual game player .
Not to mention . Suck as a friend if I even have one .

.__. When is this gonna end .
I tried not to cry but the tears fell .
I tried to hold them back but they just rolled down .

I miss alot of people .
I wish I can turn time around .
I wish I can .
But I can't .
It was the stark truth that I hate to accept .
The cruel reality which sinks in and hits me hard .

I thought after Year 2004 when the greatest disaster hit me , nothing would hurt me .
Nothing would make me cry .
But I'm still weak .
Lols . Whut is wrong with me .
I just hate myself . ~.~

Take it as it is ;
That's life ;
Accept it .
~7:32 PM